If there’s one thing worse than New Year’s
Eve, my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, weddings, prom, every Friday night,
and every Sunday morning to really drive home the lost and lonely notion that I
am SUPER single, it’s goddamn Valentine’s Day.
 |
| Straight from the heart. |
Here’s an idea: why don’t we invent a day
solely for people who are in stable and loving relationships, arguably the
happiest people our society could puke out - except for Stanley Cup winners and
people who find money on the street – and let’s just shower these people in
candy and beautiful flowers and great food, and at the same time shame and shun
the fuck out of those hideous losers who can’t have a conversation with a man last
longer than five minutes without watching his eyes glaze over when you
inexplicably start talking about how underrated Billy Joel is.
Ahem.
That may be just me, but you know what the
fuck I’m talking about.
And I KNOW that Valentine’s Day is just
some bullshit cooked up by Hallmark and Hershey’s to sell crap to dumb men
whose bitchy wives or girlfriends expect relationships to play out like a Nora
Ephron movie – but wouldn’t it be SO much better if we flipped that shit on its
ass and instead, Valentine’s Day was about couples showing the single people in
their lives that no man is an island and giving them chocolates and cards with
hearts and maybe a quick backrub?
Valentine’s is ‘supposed’ to be about buying
your girlfriend/boyfriend shit showing that special person in your life how
much you love them– but correct me if I’m wrong, don’t people in healthy,
supportive relationships do that every goddamn day? And I don’t mean grand
gestures like fancy dinners or flowers, or standing outside their house with a
boombox over your head, I’m talking about the teeny tiny little things that I
couldn’t get enough of when I was dating someone. The smallest things that
meant the most, for instance - I had a boyfriend who would bring me something
every time he went to the store, we’d be putting groceries away and he’d be
like, ‘Here, I got you this…’ and he’d hand me something small, like a bag of
wine gums or a peach or something. It was never something big, sometimes it was
something I had talked about recently, like I had been craving pistachios or
something like that, but what I loved about it was the fact that I had been on
his mind. Even while doing something inane or routine, he’d thought of me, and
wanted to get me something. It was the tiniest expression of love, and it made
me so happy I wanted to fucking explode.
Relationships should be filled with these little acts, and they can be as simple as
making coffee for someone in the morning, but it’s only when you have to make
your own damn coffee when you realize how fucking amazing that lovely little deed is.
So if Valentine’s Day is all about love,
how about showing some to the people in your life who are maybe not getting a
healthy dose? Let those single bums you call friends know that while you may
have a significant other who blows your hair back in all the right ways, on
this day of forced endearment, you’re thinking of those lonely fuckers. I don’t
care how jaded or bitter you are (I’m the queen of both) – if you’re single on Valentine’s
Day it always twinges a bit, deep down. So reach out to the unmarried masses,
you happy glowing couples, and send a bit of love their way.
You may get a threesome out of it, who
knows?
Happy Valentine’s Day, you beauties.
